Model Answer
0 min readIntroduction
The sentence "The criminal was whisked to the court" is grammatically correct but stylistically weak. It employs the passive voice, obscuring who performed the action of transporting the criminal. Furthermore, the verb "whisked" is vague and lacks specificity. Effective communication, particularly in legal contexts, demands clarity and precision. Rewriting the sentence to be more active and detailed will enhance its impact and provide a clearer understanding of the event. This response will explore several revisions, analyzing their strengths and weaknesses.
Analyzing the Original Sentence
The original sentence suffers from several drawbacks:
- Passive Voice: The focus is on *what* happened to the criminal, not *who* did it. This can create ambiguity.
- Vague Verb: "Whisked" implies speed but doesn't specify the method of transport (police car, van, etc.).
- Lack of Detail: The sentence provides no context – where the criminal was before, why they were being transported, or the urgency of the situation.
Revised Sentence Options
Option 1: Active Voice, Basic Revision
Revision: "Police officers quickly transported the criminal to the court."
Rationale: This version uses the active voice ("Police officers transported"), clearly identifying the actors. "Quickly" replaces "whisked" with a more straightforward adverb. While improved, it still lacks detail.
Option 2: More Detailed Revision
Revision: "Following his arrest, the criminal was swiftly escorted to the court by a team of armed police officers in a secure van."
Rationale: This version adds context ("Following his arrest") and provides more specific details about the transport method ("secure van") and security measures ("armed police officers"). "Swiftly escorted" is a more professional and descriptive alternative to "whisked."
Option 3: Emphasizing Urgency
Revision: "Due to the severity of the charges, authorities urgently transferred the criminal to the court for arraignment."
Rationale: This version highlights the reason for the rapid transport ("severity of the charges") and specifies the purpose ("arraignment"). "Transferred" is a neutral and formal verb. "Urgently" conveys the sense of speed without relying on the colloquial "whisked."
Option 4: Focus on Security Measures
Revision: "Under heavy guard, the criminal was moved to the court in a reinforced police vehicle."
Rationale: This version emphasizes the security precautions taken during the transport. "Heavy guard" and "reinforced police vehicle" paint a clearer picture of the situation. While still using passive voice for "was moved", the focus remains on the security aspect.
Comparison Table of Revisions
| Revision | Voice | Detail Level | Strengths | Weaknesses |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Option 1 | Active | Low | Clear, concise | Lacks context and detail |
| Option 2 | Passive | High | Very descriptive, provides context | Passive voice can be less direct |
| Option 3 | Active | Medium | Highlights urgency and purpose | Less detail about transport method |
| Option 4 | Passive | Medium | Emphasizes security | Passive voice, less direct |
The best revision depends on the specific context and the desired emphasis. In most legal reporting scenarios, Option 2 or 3 would be preferable due to their increased clarity and detail.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while the original sentence is not incorrect, it is stylistically weak due to its passive voice and vague language. Rewriting the sentence to be more active and detailed significantly improves its clarity and impact. The choice of the best revision depends on the specific context and the information the writer wishes to convey. Effective communication requires careful consideration of word choice and sentence structure to ensure precision and understanding.
Answer Length
This is a comprehensive model answer for learning purposes and may exceed the word limit. In the exam, always adhere to the prescribed word count.